The rumors of my death have been slightly exaggerated.
I took some time off from writing on here for no good reason and I owe none of you any explanation whatsoever so shut up. ;-[]
Anyway, where was I…
Robocop
Go ahead and skip this one. Really disappointing. The cast was solid. Joel Kinnaman (The Killing) is a really good choice to play… really any white male. The guy is some sort of Scandinavian something but he can play anything. Sam Jackson as Bill O’Reily (not kidding), Michael Keaton as a jobsish ceo of OCP, Omar from The Wire as Lewis (… whatever), Gary Oleman as the scientist dude, and Rorschach as the weapons tech expert who thinks Robocop is a pussy; all that sounds interesting all by itself.
But it’s not. In the post Iron Man world, the tech itself isn’t as eye catching as it was in the 80’s no matter how much cleaner it looks. Instead of gleeful social commentary or an interesting plot with an interesting villain (Red would rule these pussies, no worthy gangsters) the movie’s purpose is anti-drone. Which I would have no problem with in a good movie. I understand the issue, but that’s no excuse for a boring movie. So compared with the original, the new film is slicker, less funny, and way boring. Skip it.
The Grand Budapest Hotel
I admit to a possible bias here because I have loved each of Wes Anderson’s films so far. This one was no different. Ralph Fiennes plays M. Gustav a(n) famous(infamous) concierge at the Grand Budapest located in the fictional eastern European Republic of Zubrowka. Many of the hotel’s wealthier regulars seem to visit because they are enchanted by Gustav, who is as an eclectic and beautiful a personality as any Wes has portrayed to date. Amid the rumblings of the beginnings of World War 2, Gustav is implicated in the murder of one of his wealthy admirers (who left him a priceless painting in her will). Gustav must prove his innocence while escaping an assassin (Willem Dafoe). Those of you who are familiar with Anderson will know the indescribable tone of his work; it abounds here. Fans and non fans will enjoy this film. I loved it. Laughed my ass off.
Captain America: The Winter Soldier
Marvel studios has been doing a pretty kick ass job with Captain America. It’s easy to make Cap stupid. They do it in his comics ALL THE TIME. I think a good deal of credit goes to Chris Evans who is killing it being nice without acting like Superman (read lame). This film had me from the opening. Showing Cap and Widow and Crossbones (not yet but he will be) assaulting a ship (on the water, don’t know why I had to specify that but it felt necessary) was pretty awesome. The Algerian mercs who they were fighting were lead by Batroc!!! If you know who that is you read Punisher in the 90’s. They even gave a little shout out to his colors. It’s the little things that nerds appreciate. But the movie is also good. They take elements of the Winter Soldier story from the comics and combine them with kind of a 70’s conspiracy thriller vibe. Good thing they have Robert Redford in the movie. They also introduce Falcon (Anthony Mackie) in a non stupid way (harder than you would think). The titular Winter Soldier is a Super soldier similar to Cap created by Hydra who is still secretly active. All kinds of good action here. I enjoyed the film.
Amazing Spiderman 2
This sucked. A quick google search will reveal a bunch of hacked Sony emails that shed a little light on why they suck at things. (They are actually considering doing a 21 Jumpstreet Men In Black team up, not joking) But this film is really stupid. It covers a whole bunch of the same ground as the Toby MacGuire series and tries to set the stage for the Sinister Six but dammnit it sucks. Electro comes off as a half assed Dr. Manhattan with less motivation. The joke is that Andrew Garfield is actually a pretty good Spiderman. But the movie was so bad I honestly forgot most of it. Most of the preview material came from the epilogue which made me laugh but Sony needs to just let the property revert back to Marvel. Swing and a miss.
Godzilla
Fuck this movie. Instead of being a radioactive monster, Godzilla is the God of Balance who wakes up because we accidentally woke up a couple prehistoric beetles and must fight them to redress the balance. SHUT THE FUCK UP. Ok so the plot was stupid, we don’t need it this is a Godzilla movie, let’s see some giant things fight! The movie is actually a bit light on that as well. So… Ugh. Especially in a post Pacific Rim world there’s not near enough smash in this thing. So again, fuck this movie.
22 Jumpstreet
Loved it. Nothing here except funny. Worth a watch. Channing Tatum is just better than we all thought. Actually so is Jonah Hill.
How to Train Your Dragon 2
A letdown. Plot’s not as well thought out as the first one, not as funny, music isn’t as epic. Your kids will like it probably but meh.
X-men: Days of Future Past
The only reason Fox doesn’t get more shit (and they still catch a good deal of shit) for fucking up this awesome property is because of how badly they aborted the Fantastic Four. And I’m a larger hater of the FF but I hate Captain America mags too and Marvel Studios can still spin that shit. It’s not that hard. This new X-men is waaaay better than any of their Wolverine films. Which I guess isn’t saying much. I liked it better than First Class. Still not saying a whole lot. Since this is a time travel joint, they used it to retcon alot of the Ratner stuff. Which is good. I like Fassbender as Magneto. Too bad they can’t cast someone else as Wolverine… Anyway the movie is pretty good. Wolverine in the future (where mutants have been all but hunted out) is able to time travel (in his own body, it’s very zen) to the 70’s to prevent a murder that kicks off the pogrom. The action is… medium. I enjoyed the film overall. Rumor is that there will be a film where they fight Apocalypse in the 80’s. I’ll see that.
Dawn of the Planet of the Apes
This is an Empire Strikes Back level sequel. Caeser, Maurice, Koba et al are all back. They’ve established a society that’s, frankly, adorable. The humans have not fared so well. Humans come into contact with the smart apes when they attempt to resurrect a hydro electric facility in the forest. There are peaceful and violent factions in both the human and ape communities and their leaders attempt to navigate the situation. The effects are so subtle you won’t even notice them. Caesar for President. This movie is awesome. See it.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Parts of this movie are good (Splinter fighting, elevator freestyle) but it’s mostly shitty. Shredder is waaaaaay over the top. The brothers are decently done but all the human characters are offensive. The fighting was ok but frankly the 1990 version was better in every single way. A lot better. Not mandatory viewing.
Guardians of the Galaxy
Hoo boy! If you didn’t know Chris Pratt from Parks and Rec, you fucking know him now. This may be Marvel Studios best film so far. And it continues to be amazing how well (content) Marvel can do with a relatively obscure property while Fox continues to ruin Wolverine. Chris is a normal human (or is he) who was abducted by aliens in the 80’s. He’s something of a space thief now and he double crossed his crew to steal what ends up being an infinity stone. He is arrested, makes common cause with a giant tree, a talking squirrel, a UFC fighter, and a star trek green chick in prison. Hy-jinks ensue. Bradly Cooper brilliantly voices Rocket the squirrel, Vin Diesel is the giant tree (it walks), Dave Batista plays a green version of himself, and Zoe Salenda plays yet another hot alien. The movie is wonderfully framed by a late 70’s soundtrack (all from a cassette Chris’s mom gave him before she died and he was abducted) and besides being irreverently funny and containing good action, is suprisingly sweet. I’m sure this made a billion dollars. Good stuff. Good cameos: Michael Rooker as Yondu, Josh Brolin as Thanos, Seth Green as Howard the Duck. Mandatory viewing.
Big Hero 6
Disappointing. I’m just not a fan of Disney Animation. First, in their short, Feast, they outline for the record the ways that Pixar is better Disney than Disney. I thought after Wreck it Ralph that they’d gotten their shit together. Ralph wasn’t half bad. Frozen, frankly, sucked. To clarify, I’m a story guy. I don’t care how good the soundtrack of a movie is if it’s empty bullshit. Yeah yeah they’re kids movies. Bambie was a kids movie. They shot his mom in the face in the opening credits. A movie can be a kids movie and still be awesome. Anyway I was intrigued that Disney was running with an obscure Marvel property here. (the comic is a Tokyo super hero team) I note they did not include the dude who was created in the nuclear fire of Hiroshima. A kid and his robot (originally a healthcare provider repurposed as a hero) are the main characters. And the robot is admitedly charming. But the plot goes nowhere. They didn’t put as much effort into the plot as into the main characters and it shows. There’s about 15 minutes of funny, 20 of cute and the rest is a challenge to remain awake through. Swing and a miss.
Interstellar
They’ve been trying to make this movie for 10 years. Spielberg and physicist Kip Thorne started developing it literally 10 years ago. When Dreamworks switched from Paramount to Disney it lost it’s director. Then Jonathan Nolan was brought in to firm up the screenplay around 09. He convinced Paramount to have his brother Chris direct. Which is just awesome. I’ve never seen a Chris Nolan film that wasn’t a little amazing. And… This one is a home run. (The Royals make one world series and all my idioms go baseball) In the future earth is suffering. There is a disease that is slowly destroying our ability to grow food. The last remaining standout is corn (everyone eats corn everything). Matt McConaughy is a former astronaut and engineer (careers not really called for at the moment) who (like everyone else) is subsistence farming corn. His family receives a mysterious message (seemingly from a ghost) that ends up being coordinates. When he investigates this he discovers a secret NASA like operation. They are investigating alternate worlds for man to live on while at the same time trying to discover how to manipulate gravity so as to be able to mass transport earth’s population through space. They had sent out 9 investigators through a recently discovered ‘wormhole’ to 9 different planets. They have received signals from 3 of them. McConaughy is drafted into a mission to find a new world for mankind. Along with several secret missions he of which he is at first unaware. This film is PHENOMENALLY exciting. And sad. And happy. And funny. NASA has a couple intelligent androids that almost steal the show. They seem awkward until they need to move quickly, then you see how what seems like a stiff design is actually rather ingenious. And they’re pretty funny. Kind of the anti HAL. I LOVED this movie. I loved the depressing future earth that teaches kids the moon landings were fake because they need everyone to be farmers, I love the robots, I love the wormhole, I love the hard truths of realitivity. It is an amazing film. It is why we go to the movies. See it. Now.