47 Ronin

I’m pretty sure this film was a terrorist attack on Japan.

The revenge of the 47 ronin (actual event) took place in Japan at the start of the 18th century. It is a true story.       

Basically a group of samurai were left leaderless (masterless samurai are ronin) after their lord Asano Naganori was compelled to commit ritual suicide for assaulting a court official named Kira Yoshinaka. The ronin avenged their master’s honor by killing Kira, after waiting and planning for almost two years. In turn, the ronin were themselves obliged to commit suicide for committing the crime of murder.  Numerous fictional accounts of this event exist in Japanese literature as censorship laws used to forbid depiction of actual events.  However historical records accounting the event still exist.

Anyway, this is an attempt to tell the story as a fantasy.  That is to tell it in a fantasy Japan with monsters, demons, elves and the like.  However you cut it, this film is fucking horrible.  I have no issue with the premise.  The tale, while true, has grown into legend and legends lend themselves to fantasy.  But why have fantastical elements if you tell the story with no imagination and make it boring as fuck.

They add a half caste (half European) character in Keanu Reaves.  I, unlike many don’t have an issue with this.  Keanu is not the problem with the movie.  The movie is the problem with the movie.  It’s just boring.

The tatooed Dutch fellow who had his own character poster was in the film for about 38 seconds.

Kira is in league with demons but it is unclear why or who benefits.  And the demons are boring.

Keanu is raised by non-human monks.  It is unclear who they are or if they cast Keanu out or why they help him later or what they want or who they are.  And they’re boring.

One of the ronin hates Keanu.  It is unclear why nor does it have anything to do with the plot.  And it was boring.

This movie is an abortion.  Skip it.

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