Let’s get the obvious out of the way: unless your standards are very low, you will be underwhelmed by this movie.
First, I think this film is further evidence that Tim Burton is gigantically overrated. What’s his best film, Edward Scissorhands? Nightmare Before Christmas? Beetlejuice?
Credit for the 1st 2 goes to the wonderful Caroline Thompson. She’s a wonderful writer. Beetlejuice is the creation of Michael McDowell, who is one of the most original fiction writers I’ve had the pleasure to read. And he’s memorably quoted as claiming ‘writing for the ages is dumb’.
Sooo… What else? 1989 Batman? I’ll give you that one. That movie was badass. Heath had to court death to top Jack’s Joker. And Keaton is still the best Batman, but Bale reigns supreme by a wide margin as Bruce Wayne.
But Mars Attacks? Planet of the Apes? Ed Wood? Burton is severely overrated as a storyteller. He admits as much, claiming he “wouldn’t know a good script if it bit him in the ass”. He’s a setting guy, somebody else has to take responsibility for the story not being shit.
So you ask me, how’s a movie based on one of the dumbest shows of all time supposed to have a good story? I don’t know, why are you filming the fucking thing?!?
However, the tragedy is the film opens well. Marketing that seemed to paint this film as a screwball comedy seemed misplaced at first. There’s a brooding, ominous opening and interactions that seem comedic but are also unsettling. There was kind of a faint Twin Peaks vibe about the whole thing (except we hadn’t found the body yet). But once everything was set up, nothing else interesting happens. Well we explore Depp’s passion for stupid hats, but that’s it. We have a solid intro and then… Stupid. Yards of Stupid.
You have my permission to skip this one. If you have to see it please don’t be sober.