Haywire

Beautiful people, dressed fashionably, beating the living shit out of each other, in exotic locations.  And that’s pretty much the movie.

Seriously, do you need anything else?  I grudgingly noticed a plot.  Actually that’s not fair.  Steven Soderbergh lays out a pretty nice spy story.  I say nice because it makes sense, its not overly complex (in the sense that it doesn’t interfere with the visceral feel of the action), it flows quickly, and makes sense.

However, the reason the asses are in the seats is the action.  And rightly so.  The action is this movie is BRUTAL.  When I say people beat the shit out of each other, in some cases I’m being literal.  Gina Carano (best known for getting her shit tossed by the cyborg in Strikeforce…also I suppose her Maxim spread raised some eyebrows [she is grade A meat]) is an independent intelligence contractor who is betrayed by the men who hired here (the US government…  Or is it?).  And she is framed for a murder in Spain and has to knock the fuck out of a bunch of people in order to clear her name.

Aside from Carano (who, all kidding aside, is a legit action star in this role, also she’s sporting a 10 point ass which never hurts) the film sees a great performance by Channing Tatum (no, I’m actually serious).  And supporting the two pieces of meat are Ewan McGregor, Michael Douglas, Michael Fassbender, Bill Paxton, and Antonio Bandaras.  Yeah.

Think your basic mission impossible plot with ¾ of the dialogue removed, no special gadgets, no wire fighting, and no cgi.  Then crank up the raw violence by a power of 10.

Note: at least one rather brutal fight is pretty hot.  You will become aroused.  But unlike me you’ll probably hate yourself.  And you ought to, you sick bastard.

Anyway, this one’s pretty good.  You need to see it.  And see it with a good sound system so you can hear all the organs bursting and bones breaking.  And the grunting.