MovieOx

The first Mad Max film, Mad Max was about the decline of society.  There was some sort of shadowy energy crisis, gang violence was out of control and law enforcement was hamstrung as it was tied to rules belonging to a society that was becoming obsolete in the newer more brutal world.  The titular Max was a law enforcement officer who abandoned the rule of law after gang members murdered his family.  So exactly like the Punisher (depending on cannon) except in future Australia.  And that is not a criticism.  It’s the best Punisher film to date.

After the gang is dealt with, Max departs the civilized world for parts unknown.  The world continues it’s descent into barbarism.  Either before or after the first film there was a nuclear confrontation.  So as the second film, The Road Warrior, begins Max is far beyond any recognizable society and the world is a brutal murder desert.  Resources like food and gasoline are at a premium.  Max, a kind of wandering Conan character at this point, accidentally starts a new (seemingly benign) society as he is trying to get gas for his car.  Then, as has become legend, he moves on.

Then, in what seems like the exact same plot as the previous film, Max runs out of gas again.  He comes across a settlement and runs afoul of a power struggle between Tina Turner and the midget who controls the fuel supply.  He agrees to best the midgets champion in the titular Thunderdome, but holds off when he realizes his opponent is retarded.  He is banished to the desert and stumbles on an oasis staffed by a very peter pan group of youngsters and accidentally fulfills a major prophecy in their religion and…  I’m going to skip the rest because this 3rd film was fucking stupid.  Some interesting ideas but really it was boring.  So Max saves one society and again accidentally creates another.  And moves on.

So George Miller and company have been trying to make a 4th film for 30 years.  First they were ready to go then the piece of desert they were using got 40some days of rain in a row (first in 10 years) and turned into a mudpit.  Then the American dollar dropped against the Australian dollar and the budget ballooned.  Then 9/11.  Then they were going to shoot in Nambia but the Iraq war restricted travel.  Then Mel Gibson tried to kill all the Jews, or something.  So finally, they recast Max with Heath Ledger…  Who did not make it to filming.  And now, they have Tom Hardy playing Max.  Would this kind of story still work?  Do people still want to see a post apocalyptic frenetic car chase?  Would the film still resonate?

Good Christ yes.

The film opens, this is Max, this is the world, then…  BRWAAAAAAAAAAANNNGH!!!

Once this thing gets going it grabs your nuts (or ovaries I guess?) and doesn’t let go until two hours later when you’re asking yourself what the fuck just happened.  You don’t even need to understand English.  There’s maybe 10 lines of dialogue in the film.  It is wall to wall action, never repetitive, and NEVER boring.

I’m not going to get into the awesome yet simple plot or Charlize Theron’s performance.  Those are just extra toppings.

This film is mandatory viewing.

It really has to be said that few have pulled off a project quite like Marvel Studios.  And really, even if the rest of their films are awful, we still got Guardians of the Galaxy.  That’s enough to hang your hat on.

And frankly, I’m glad that Sony and others owned the rights to some of the most popular Marvel characters.  Let Fox fuck around trying to make easy money with X-Men.  The obscure properties are killing it for Marvel (and Disney obv).  They’re killing it because they have had to try harder to make the characters cooler.  Wolverine comes with such built in cool it that you shouldn’t even have to try all that much (Looking at you Fox, you Futurama canceling bunch of asshats).  But Capt America is a difficult character to get inside for a bunch of us.  It’s not the patriotism, but there’s something off about him.  Like propaganda has a shelf life akin to fruit; something just smells rotten after awhile.  But so far the movies (and no small amount of credit goes to Chris Evans) have created a sympathetic, quiet, humble, slightly anarchist AMERICAN.  Doesn’t even wrinkle your nose.  And Thor can EASILY be an asinine character whose dialogue makes Battlefield Earth just pop.  But they did this passion of the Thor type thing that just…  works.  They’ve done so well.  You can’t single out any one particular Marvel film as being as quality as The Dark Knight; but they’ve made a group of characters people care about.  You couldn’t really give a shit about hanging out with Cyclops and Storm from Fox’s universe.  But you’d grab a drink with Thor and Black Widow.

Anyway, this film is remarkably similar in action to the big New York battle in the first Avengers.  Ultron, an AI accidentally created by Tony Stark, has a legion of robots that are attempting to, after some red herring, destroy the world.  I think.  But they’re in a vacationy Eastern European spot this time and the fact that the Avengers attempt to evacuate the city shows learning.

But Ultron, even though he is entertaining, is kind of a goofy bad guy.  The best action is Iron Man vs Hulk.  It’s a humdinger.  That and the various team bonding and cattyness are what really work in the movie.

And, it must be mentioned, this film does a great deal of heavy lifting in terms of setting up future films in the Marvel Cinematic Universe.  We were in Black Panther territory, as well as setting up (I think) Capt Marvel and Warlock.  And Civil War and Ragnarok.  Lot of exposition to get through during the film.

That said, it was still a fun movie.  But I feel like I want to see Capt America: Civil War and Thor: Ragnarok more.  Next up for Marvel is Antman.  Then we’ll spend a few weeks spanking it to Mad Max, then it will be all Star Wars till next year.  Unless it’s not.

Of the various media franchises that have a dedicated, occasionally-costumed following; fans of Game of Thrones are, by an enormous margin, the least intelligent.  And I’m obviously talking about the tv show, dumbasses; the book series is called by a different name that you would know if you weren’t dumbasses.  And this statement has nothing to do with the rest of the article; just know that you dumbasses rank below Dragon Ball Z fans, longtime winners of the special needs toilet.

When Game of Thrones started, I was enrapt.  HBO was adapting one of the best fantasy series to the screen (ranking pending on the climax); and it was exciting shit.  Even when there was no action the dialogue was clever and charged with meaning.  I’d read the books and I couldn’t wait to see what happened next, what kind of choices they made in the adaptation.  And slowly, it became less exciting in action and dialogue.  There were things I wanted to see happen and was willing to wade though the shittier ‘filler’ episodes to see cool things from the books.  Until it all felt like filler.  A thought came to me clearly as I was watching the first episode of the 5th season: I hate this show.  I was watching an expensive computer generated shot of Daenerys’ troops toppling the harpy statue from atop the Great Pyramid in Meereen.  What a fucking pointless waste of money that shot was!  Save your fucking money for fight scenes and dragons you assclowns!  And the thing was, that was really the only thing that happened in the episode.  I’m going to try and trace it back but at some point the people started talking like plastic, captain obvious legionaries.  And then I get hit with memories of other shit I’ve hated about the show that I must have repressed.  At some point someone referred to French cuffs.  In a world where there never was or will be a France how does one explain that term?  It’s a nonsense word.  Why was the mountain just chopping men in half with his sword in the courtyard?  Is that how he trains?  What good is that?  They don’t have weapons and aren’t fighting back.  Fighting dudes with a weapon would be better practice.  Chopping wood would be better for a workout.  He’s not anybody’s justice.  Michael Bay logic – looks cool bra.  The fight between the hound and Brienne sucked.  For all the violence it seemed rote and boring.  I was literally bombarded with memories.

After a solid season 1 the show has, by fits and jerks, become something I hate.  I’m going to watch them just like I watched all 3 Hobbits; from a detached place where I’m just curious how shitty it’ll get.  I’m sure there’ll still be moments like mountain vs viper; but this show is done as a contender for best on tv.  I’m sure it’ll still win emmys.  Fucking Homeland wins emmys if that tells you anything.  Maybe the decline has to do with increasing distance from the source material but for whatever reason the show has gone to shit.

Luckily I also watched Daredevil this week.  It was well cast, well acted, well thought out, and BRUTAL.  Netflix has several more marvel shows in the pipeline but ole Matt Murdock is going to be hard to top.  They draw heavily from Frank Miller’s run.  Which, as far as I’m concerned, is the assignment.  Recently, the best action scenes on tv (netflix counts as tv in this column) are on netflix.  The leader was Marco Polo, but Daredevil headbutted its way into the top spot.

Speaking of Netflix, they have a show called Bloodline that’s pretty good as well.  It’s murder mysteryy and film noiry.  Although, it cleverly uses hyper bright sunlight in film noir’s usual spot for shadows.  They both obscure vision.  Solid show.

Better Call Saul, AMC’s Breaking Bad prequel, is rather modestly awesome.  Saul Goodman was one of the best parts of breaking bad.  He and Mike Ermantraut’s adventures in criminality are fascinating.

Mad Men – It’s the last season for them so I won’t include them on my list of top shows at the end here; but wow.  Wow.  Wow.  Best show on tv during it’s entire reign.  All hail the king.

Arrow/Flash/Gotham – ok/love it/sometimes good

Silicon Valley – Still the best comedy on tv.

Vikings – Does anybody realize this show is the same as Sons of Anarchy?

Archer – Man if it wasn’t for Silicon Valley.  Just ended an epic 6th season.

Justified – This show resembles a once hot chick who’s been tarred and feathered who’s slowly dying while vomiting blood and shitting herself.  Just kill her!  She deserves a more dignified death than this!

Black Sails – Forgot about this awesomeness.  Will have its own column soon.

New girl – I’d say this show is on the decline if it wasn’t for the funniest conversation gag I’ve seen in years.  One character is talking about a popcorn machine and another character thinks he’s talking about a vagina.  Ruined a good shirt.

Agents of Shield – better than all the DC shows except Flash.  It’s about to have some stiff Marvel competition if Daredevil is any clue.  I think the next up from Netflix is AKA Jessica Jones.

The Americans – Best show on TV.

House of Cards – 2nd best show on TV.

Brooklyn 99 – Still killing it.

Star Wars Rebels – Not bad, not bad at all.  Killer Lando cameo.

Ok so best drama on tv right now that’s not Mad Men:

1. The Americans  2.  House of Cards  3.  Black Sails  4.  Hannibal  5.  Better Call Saul

Best comedy on tv right now:

1.  Silicon Valley  2.  Archer  3.  Brooklyn 99  4.  Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt  5.  Arrested Development (yes, still, shut up)

In closing, phuck Game of Thrones.  Long live A Song of Ice and Fire.  And George Martin.  Although that last one isn’t likely; his favorite vegetable is sausage.

Ok, I’m going to get into this so there will be spoilers.

During world war 2, Germany employed an encryption device called ENIGMA.  The code was a simple replacement determined by the machine’s settings, which the Germans changed daily.  The issue is there were 159 quintillion (yes) settings.  So the possibility of locating the correct setting in enough time to decode any message was impossible without a computer.  These did not exist at the time; could as well have said an aircraft carrier would have helped in the crusades.  So, Alan Turing, being British (who as a group were decidedly anti German), invented one.  Not alone, there was a team, but he imagined and built the machine we would come to call computer.  Eventually the British had such knowledge of German communications that they had to make careful decisions how often to act on the intelligence gathered for fear that the Germans would abandon the thoroughly cracked ENIGMA code.

Winston Churchill flat out said no one person did more to defeat Germany than Alan Turing.

In 1951, Turing was arrested for homosexuality.  In England this was a felony (later legalized in 1967).  Although I’m pretty sure there are anti-sodomy laws still on the books in America.  And sodomy doesn’t just mean butt sex either apparently.  It can technically mean any non-procreative sexual act.  Everything from masturbation to bestiality.  While some of the more prudish of you will immediately come at me with some kind of right wing anti-bestiality propaganda; I think we can all agree that is perhaps too comprehensive.  Or anyway that’s what I told the highway patrol.

Instead of jail time, Turing chose chemical castration.  I admit, I have for years been too horrified by that term to look up the particulars.  I envisioned the an injection that made your cock whither and fall off or something.  Chemical castration is a hormonal treatment that kills the libido.  Not that that’s not bad enough.  Just not as visually spidery.  Several years later Turing died from eating an apple laced with cyanide.  The authorities named it a suicide.  This has been disputed by Turing’s family and friends.  The suicide has also been attributed to effects from the chemical castration.  Turing did endure 2 years of hormone treatments; however his suicide came 14 months after their end.  This process is still in use today; it is used to treat certain sex offenders and has not been linked to suicide.

Turing also was using cyanide in an experiment with an electroplating device in his spare room.  Also, according to the book on which this film was based, the apple was never tested  for cyanide.  I conclude his death to be accidental; he was so unflappable that he was meticulously studying the hormone’s effect on his body and pioneering the field of biomathematics.  I just don’t see it.  Based on the evidence available to the general public, my non-professional conclusion is either accident or more murdery accident.  He was in intelligence after all.

Now, my historical conclusions should IN NO WAY suggest that I approve of treating consenting adults of any stripe as sex offenders or the government dispensing personality altering treatments as punishment of any type.  I mention the likely causes of Turing’s death (also the fact that he had friends and family) because I think the film changed the story deliberately to make it more like A Beautiful Mind.

I know less of the history behind A Beautiful Mind; but I know that they made Alan Turing  seem, like John Nash as if he was anti-social to the point of aspergers.  The portrayal of Turing in the film when he’s undergoing hormone treatment is similar to John Nash on anti-psychotics.  Not the same thing.  They try really hard to make the film as similar as possible.  And all huge breakthroughs come in a bar while hitting on girls.  I’ve heard it said that they tried to make the story sadder to give the lgbt community a martyr.  I don’t buy that; I don’t think there’s any political objective and besides what is Turing if not a martyr. They’re just trying to get us crying.  However, I don’t think the tragic death of Alan Turing needs any playing up.  There’s a good deal of embellishment there and in areas of the intelligence work.  I would have liked to see them stick to the facts.  However the actors are good, and the story is engaging.  I can forgive a good deal if I am entertained.

And I was.  Worth a watch, but not mandatory.

The Gambler.

Marc Wahlberg (not badly at all) plays an English professor with a gambling problem.  His specific dragon is blackjack.  He is at times in the film up millions of dollars but can’t pull away.  He always stays in and always loses.

He…  You know what?  Fuck it.  This movie was stupid.  I ought to enjoy a film about a filthy, student nailing, gambling professor.  Bored off my ass.  I love gambling, one of the few things in life I do well.  Love blackjack.  Love English.  Tolerate blondes.  This movie had a bunch going for it.  But, it fails to hold your attention.  Other than the masochistic blackjack sequences, you’ll be either bored or questioning whether the plot makes sense.

Various criminals in the film keep loaning money to Wahlberg even though they know he already owes a shitload to other criminals.  One of the crooks extends him a 2nd loan based on nothing.  Kids: this is not how loan sharks act in real life.  No issues with the actors in this film.  Nothing they can do when given boring and/or senseless things to do.

Plot caverns are easy to overlook.  Well, maybe not easy.  But I’m an American (eminently bribeable), I can overlook a plot oubliette in exchange for being entertained.  But without my bribe; I’m going to have to write you up.  And I will.  Shitty forgettable movie.  Save your money and watch Rounders again.

A few warnings before we get into this: I’m going to get off topic and there are going to be some light spoilers.

First thing, most of the reviews I’ve read of this movie make it clear that the writers never actually saw the movie.  A good deal of them are negative (28% on Rotten Tomatoes).  The only people who reviewed this film who I believe actually sat through it are Peter Travers at Rolling Stone and that moron Capone at AICN.  Peter liked it and Capone didn’t.  I usually like what Capone hates, and I love Ridley Scott (although lately he’s been underwhelming) so I was always going to see it regardless of the reviews.  But I have a theory why most reviews were poor.

Somebody, I forget who, raised a stink early in production about most of the actors playing the Hebrews and Egyptians being white.  There were efforts to engineer a boycott of the film based on this.  My question is this: if we are in a post racial world (or trying to be) why should we care?  Nick Fury (a white man’s white man if ever there was one) has been portrayed to great effect by Samuel L. Jackson.  Idris Elba played a Norse god (the Norse didn’t even know there were non-white people until like 10 years ago).  Ciaran Hinds is most certainly not Italian or blonde and he was amazing as Julius Caesar.  Some chick played Peter Pan (a male character, I’m like 90% sure) on TV a few weeks ago.  Zoe Saldana often portrays an African American and she’s of Cuban descent. Ian McKellen isn’t even really a wizard!  Am I splitting hairs?  Sure, but it all illustrates how stupid something like that is to get upset about.  Complain about the movie, not the racial palette.  And British actors can and will play ANYTHING, just roll with it.  Besides, fun fact, we have Ramses the 2nd’s body (He’s the pharaoh in the movie) and it has been examined and determined that he was a ginger.  Most (not quite all) of the gingers I know are white.  But that’s just another example of how dumb it is to get bogged down in all this racial shit.  Anyway, my sense is that many reviewers decided to dog the movie based on this quasi-controversy.

There’s plenty to in the actual movie to criticize.  If you want to complain about something how bout anachronisms.  Cavalry uses saddles with stirrups in the film.  Those weren’t invented for at least another millennia.  They have steel weapons during the bronze age (iron wasn’t known yet, let alone steel).  And if there was a historical Moses and the Exodus happened in anything resembling the old testament; it most certainly was not during the reign of Ramses 2, aka Ozymandias.  That’s the popular person to ascribe the pharaoh in the Exodus story but there were like 9 Ramses.  Nobody fucked with Ramses 2 for one (he is regarded as the most powerful leader of ancient Egypt) and for 2 his reign is nearly as well documented as the late Roman Republic.  We know the month and year he died.  Nothing resembling the events of Exodus is recorded.  The pharaoh from Exodus, assuming the story is literal and isn’t metaphors and symbols, is most likely Thutmose 2.  Like 400 years later.  I’m not going to get into why I think people make that mistake.  That’d be like 10 more pages.  Ramses 2 didn’t rule from Memphis either.  And I can do this all day.  I guess my point is there’s plenty worthwhile to complain about if you’re going to bitch.  Don’t manufacture a civil rights issue.

Told you I would get off topic.  Anyhoo, back to the movie I saw (and if you’re paying attention note this one did not make x-mas prime time).

Like a lot of Sir Ridley Scott’s late work, this film had potential.  Unrealized potential.  The actors are all quite good.  Visually the film is phenomenal.  Story…  meh.  I mean most people know the basics of the tale.  I think the film they wanted to make (but were a little too afraid to) was one in which Moses appeared schizophrenic and most of what happened seemed like it had a rational explanation other than the hand of God.  That would have been cool, making it either he’s a frootloop or he’s talking to God.  And they start it like that.  Most of the plagues are explainable, if unpleasant, natural disasters.  When he hears God speaking to him, nobody else hears God and it looks like a crazy man talking to himself.  But then they intermittently try to make it a story of 2 brothers (Ramses and Moses) tragically on opposing sides of the tide of history (kind of like Prince of Egypt which was pretty good).  They really should have picked one aspect and rolled with it but instead of whole assing one thing they half ass several things.  I didn’t hate it but it’s nothing to write home about.  Not mandatory viewing.

I don’t know man, Netflix is starting to kick some serious tail.  TV show wise they are making a name for themselves.  It’ll be interesting to see how their Marvel shows go.

Anyway, their new joint is Marco Polo.  It’s basically the adventures of the white man in Kublai Khan’s court.  Those of you who don’t know, Marco Polo was a Venetian who visited China around the time William Wallace lived.  Other Europeans were there a little before him but none of the others wrote a book.  So as far as the West was concerned for half a millennia, he literally wrote the book on China.

Marco is very young when he meets his father for the first time (returning from 18 or so years in the East) and stows away on his dad’s return trip.  Their destination is Kublai Khan’s court.  This is because they want his permission to trade on the silk road and the Khan’s writ extends from the Pacific Ocean to fucking Kiev.  If you want to do business in Asia it’s by his say so.  You might have heard of his grandfather, Genghis.  These people conquered some shit.  At the point when Marco and his dad make it over, Kublai is attempting to finish his conquest of Southern China.  Marco’s dad manages to piss the Khan off and uses his son as payment for a trading license.  Not sure how historically accurate that is but it’s a great kick in the nuts on the show and makes for good watching.

So Marco’s stuck alone in Mongol held China.  Shit.  This show is about his adventures.  Of which there are many.  Again not sure if this is accurate, never read Polo’s book.  But it sure makes for some quality entertainment.

One of the best parts of the show is when the Khan instructs that Marco be trained in the ways of the Mongolian court.  This mostly consists of various combat training and some calligraphy.  His blind swordsman instructor is known as Hundred Eyes and is a hugely entertaining character.  The diversity of the lands and people at play make for a huge variety of other problems to deal with.  Everything from Russians to the cult of Hashashin.

Lots of fight scenes.  Really good fight scenes.  To compare with say Game of Thrones; I’m not going to say it’s a better show but it has better fight scenes.  There are no actors you’ve ever heard of.  The only guy I recognized was the bad guy from the original Fast and Furious.  The guy that plays Kublai reminds me of an Asian Robert Baratheon closer to his prime.  Not in his prime, but closer.  Maybe a bit smarter.  But he’s fairly charming in that whores and wine way.

Folks, this is mandatory viewing.

I also watched some TV these last months.  No, really I did.

Arrow

I tend to dismiss shows on the CW out of hand.  I also tend to dismiss DC character TV shows out of hand (cough Smallville).  I admit that was racist.  Arrow isn’t half bad.  Often it’s actually good.  I don’t really read Green Arrow.  I don’t read much DC in general (exceptions: Some Batman, anytime Superman dies, any Frank Miller or Alan Moore).  People speak highly of a series where Green Arrow represented a liberal point of view and Green Lantern represented a conservative perspective as they teamed up.  I liked him in The Dark Knight Returns, but he was killing Superman which is one of the coolest things anyone can do ever.  In the show, he ends up surviving a shipwreck getting marooned on some random island of war in the South China Sea.  Then escapes to be an indentured mercenary in Hong Kong.  Also, joins the Russian mob at some point…  Anyway he’s a Bruce Wayne style heir and he’s ‘missing’ for 5 years before he makes it back home.  During that time he became a badass.  So he decides to become a vigilante.  He picked up some archery skills during his vacation so he sticks with that theme.  Good martial arts action, especially for TV.  Also isn’t shy about introducing tons of other DC characters.  Barry Allen’s cameo was so popular they made a spinoff show for The Flash.

The Flash

A better character than Arrow anyway but I wouldn’t have watched it if I hadn’t caught The Arrow on netflix.  A lab accident gives Barry Allen the ability to achieve ridiculous speed.  Also heals fast, and digests fast.  Cast members speculate on what effect this speed has on other aspects of his life.  Big budget porn in the future.  Anyway there’s a solid supporting cast in this show.  It’s noticeably lighter in tone from Arrow but that’s on purpose.  The 2 shows recently pulled off a crossover event that I quite enjoyed.  Flash may be a slightly better show so far but it just started so we’ll see.  They’ve got a fairly large mystery involving time travel right now.  I’m going to have to watch more just to find out who the man in the yellow suit is.  I’m betting future Dr Wells but we’ll see.

True Blood

I quit watching.  Only the first season was good.

Newsroom

Only the first 2 minutes of the pilot were decent.  The rest was utter shit.

Homeland

Surprisingly better in its 4th season.  Still shows the classic Showtime lack of thinking 5 minutes in front of its face, but better than it has been.

Boardwalk Empire

The final season massively departs from history.  Honestly if they were going to kill Nucky, they should have killed him in the 1st season and made the show about Jimmy and Harrow.  Started solid ended with a wet fart.

Walking Dead

Getting better.  Still too many filler episodes and not as good as the first season but getting better.

Brooklyn 99

The new Parks and Rec.  No joke, this show is funny as fuck.  And might have characters worth arcing.  We’ll see.  But mandatory viewing.

New Girl

After Nick and Jessica finally fucked it kind of lost steam.  But still funnier than everything on CBS.

Sons of Anarchy

Finally over.  Probably had an extra season or 3 and wasn’t anything deep, but I enjoyed it.   The ending (while 45 minutes too long) was solid.

Ray Donovan

What a pile of bullshit.  There will occasionally be a good ass beating or nudity or both to draw you in; but it’s a trap.  Run!

Gotham

Not bad.  Not as good as it could easily be but not bad.  Show follows Jim Gordon and the Gotham underworld about 15 years before the coming of Batman.  Alfred is solid.  Little Catwoman is cute.  Great casting.  Only thing is Fish Mooney is the worst character ever.  I can’t wait for her murder.

American Horror Story

Quit watching.  Season 3 was pretty stupid and Jessica Lang is no longer a sex symbol.  Sorry lady.  I don’t even know what the current season is about.

Black Sails

Hey Michael Bay is producing a pirate show.  That’ll probably suck.  Except it doesn’t.  It’s actually more like Master and Commander the show instead of Pirates of the Caribbean.  I mean they are pirates but it’s a fair mix of the historical, the plausible, and Treasure Island.  It basically follows several characters from the novel about 20 years before the novel takes place.  Obligatory pay cable nudity and really good naval action.  This show will surprise you in how good it actually is.  Luckily it just got picked up for a 2nd season.  Also one of the best opening numbers I’ve seen.  Mandatory viewing.

Archer Vice

In their 4th season, ISIS got shut down by the government.  Annnd the government forgot they had just seized a metric ton of cocaine.  How hard is it to form a drug cartel?  Fucking hilarious.  Mandatory viewing.

Bates Motel

It’s better than anything on Showtime.  Sufficiently creepy Psycho prequel.  Unfortunately the side characters keep being accidentally more interesting than the main plot.  Keeps causing focus problems.  Not bad though.

Legend of Kora

After a bad second season it came kicking back with a good 3rd season and a (so far) great 4th season.  However, MORE GENERAL IROH!!

Fargo

If it wasn’t for True Detective this would have been the best cop show I’ve seen in awhile.  Billy Bob Thorton is a sociopath to root for.

Downton Abby

Is it stupid? Often. Is it basically a period soap opera?  Yes.  Do I watch?  Yes.  The cast is just good at their job.  They kill it.

Hannibal

This mismash of characters from Thomas Harris’s books just keeps getting better.  Worth watching for the food and the clothes.  I want Hannibal’s suits and everyone will get hungry watching the food.  You know some of it is human.  You don’t care.  Aside from that Mads Milkensen KILLS it as Hannibal Lecter.

Agents of Shield

This show’s gotten pretty good.  They introduce side characters at a slower rate than Arrow and Flash do but Phil Coulson is a great creation.

Modern Family

Still good.

Mad Men

Keeps making its case for best show on TV.  First part of season 7 was awesome sauce.

Parks and Rec

Still the comedy gold standard.  Its about to end because everyone on the show is now too fucking famous for being awesome.

The Killing

After an amazing first 2 seasons, seasons 3 and 4 were shit.  Joel Kinnaman will always be a badass though.

Star Wars Rebels

My first thought is: they canceled Clone Wars for this shit?  Maybe it’ll get better.

The Strain

Actually, I liked it.  I was thinking more vampires? Suck my dick.  But there’s actual thought put into the story.  On a show about vampires.  Been awhile.  I’ll keep watching.  The old vampire/nazi hunter with the wolves head cane sword is nerd porn.

Tyrant

Set in a fictional middle east country where everyone speaks English.  I think it is attempting to show how time and place shape the leader.  We’ll see.  The main character is a member of a dictatorial royal family who fled to America as a teen and became a pediatrician.  Now drawn home for his brothers wedding he’s acting like a…  Tyrant again.  Most ponderous opening number ever.  Things like 7 minutes long.  We’ll see, I’m still watching.

Game of Thrones

Still good.  When it diverts from the source it’s not as good.  Which may end up being an issue because they are almost about to lap the novels.  But I’ll watch.  Been reading this bitch since ’96.

Silicon Valley

Love this show.  Smart and funny.  Can’t wait to see the 2nd season.  The conversations are utterly believable and hilarious.  Mandatory.  “Jobs was a poser, he didn’t even write code.”