The rumors of my death have been slightly exaggerated.<\/p>\n
I took some time off from writing on here for no good reason and I owe none of you any explanation whatsoever so shut up. ;-[]<\/p>\n
Anyway, where was I…<\/p>\n
Robocop<\/strong><\/p>\n Go ahead and skip this one.\u00a0 Really disappointing.\u00a0 The cast was solid.\u00a0 Joel Kinnaman (The Killing<\/em>) is a really good choice to play…\u00a0 really any white male.\u00a0 The guy is some sort of Scandinavian something but he can play anything.\u00a0 Sam Jackson as Bill O’Reily (not kidding), Michael Keaton as a jobsish ceo of OCP, Omar from The Wire<\/em> as Lewis (… whatever), Gary Oleman as the scientist dude, and Rorschach as the weapons tech expert who thinks Robocop is a pussy; all that sounds interesting all by itself.<\/p>\n But it’s not.\u00a0 In the post Iron Man world, the tech itself isn’t as eye catching as it was in the 80’s no matter how much cleaner it looks.\u00a0 Instead of gleeful social commentary or an interesting plot with an interesting villain (Red would rule these pussies, no worthy gangsters) the movie’s purpose is anti-drone.\u00a0 Which I would have no problem with in a good movie.\u00a0 I understand the issue, but that’s no excuse for a boring movie.\u00a0 So compared with the original, the new film is slicker, less funny, and way boring. Skip it.<\/p>\n The Grand Budapest Hotel<\/strong><\/p>\n I admit to a possible bias here because I have loved each of Wes Anderson’s films so far.\u00a0 This one was no different.\u00a0 Ralph Fiennes plays M. Gustav a(n) famous(infamous) concierge at the Grand Budapest located in the fictional eastern European Republic of Zubrowka.\u00a0 Many of the hotel’s wealthier regulars seem to visit because they are enchanted by Gustav, who is as an eclectic and beautiful a personality as any Wes has portrayed to date.\u00a0 Amid the rumblings of the beginnings of World War 2, Gustav is implicated in the murder of one of his wealthy admirers (who left him a priceless painting in her will).\u00a0 Gustav must prove his innocence while escaping an assassin (Willem Dafoe).\u00a0 Those of you who are familiar with Anderson will know the indescribable tone of his work; it\u00a0 abounds here.\u00a0 Fans and non fans will enjoy this film.\u00a0 I loved it.\u00a0 Laughed my ass off.<\/p>\n Captain America: The Winter Soldier<\/strong><\/p>\n Marvel studios has been doing a pretty kick ass job with Captain America.\u00a0 It’s easy to make Cap stupid.\u00a0 They do it in his comics ALL THE TIME.\u00a0 I think a good deal of credit goes to Chris Evans who is killing it being nice without acting like Superman (read lame).\u00a0 This film had me from the opening.\u00a0 Showing Cap and Widow and Crossbones (not yet but he will be) assaulting a ship (on the water, don’t know why I had to specify that but it felt necessary) was pretty awesome.\u00a0 The Algerian mercs who they were fighting were lead by Batroc!!!\u00a0 If you know who that is you read Punisher in the 90’s.\u00a0 They even gave a little shout out to his colors.\u00a0 It’s the little things that nerds appreciate.\u00a0 But the movie is also good.\u00a0 They take elements of the Winter Soldier story from the comics and combine them with kind of a 70’s conspiracy thriller vibe.\u00a0 Good thing they have Robert Redford in the movie.\u00a0 They also introduce Falcon (Anthony Mackie) in a non stupid way (harder than you would think).\u00a0 The titular Winter Soldier is a Super soldier similar to Cap created by Hydra who is still secretly active.\u00a0 All kinds of good action here.\u00a0 I enjoyed the film.<\/p>\n Amazing Spiderman 2<\/strong><\/p>\n This sucked.\u00a0 A quick google search will reveal a bunch of hacked Sony emails that shed a little light on why they suck at things.\u00a0 (They are actually considering doing a 21 Jumpstreet Men In Black<\/em> team up, not joking) But this film is really stupid.\u00a0 It covers a whole bunch of the same ground as the Toby MacGuire series and tries to set the stage for the Sinister Six but dammnit it sucks.\u00a0 Electro comes off as a half assed Dr. Manhattan with less motivation.\u00a0 The joke is that Andrew Garfield is actually a pretty good Spiderman.\u00a0 But the movie was so bad I honestly forgot most of it.\u00a0 Most of the preview material came from the epilogue which made me laugh but Sony needs to just let the property revert back to Marvel.\u00a0 Swing and a miss.<\/p>\n Godzilla<\/strong><\/p>\n Fuck this movie.\u00a0 Instead of being a radioactive monster, Godzilla is the God of Balance who wakes up because we accidentally woke up a couple prehistoric beetles and must fight them to redress the balance.\u00a0 SHUT THE FUCK UP. Ok so the plot was stupid, we don’t need it this is a Godzilla movie, let’s see some giant things fight!\u00a0 The movie is actually a bit light on that as well.\u00a0 So…\u00a0\u00a0 Ugh.\u00a0 Especially in a post Pacific Rim<\/em> world there’s not near enough smash in this thing.\u00a0 So again, fuck this movie.<\/p>\n 22 Jumpstreet<\/strong><\/p>\n Loved it.\u00a0 Nothing here except funny.\u00a0 Worth a watch.\u00a0 Channing Tatum is just better than we all thought.\u00a0 Actually so is Jonah Hill.<\/p>\n How to Train Your Dragon 2<\/strong><\/p>\n A letdown.\u00a0 Plot’s not as well thought out as the first one, not as funny, music isn’t as epic.\u00a0 Your kids will like it probably but meh.<\/p>\n X-men: Days of Future Past<\/strong><\/p>\n The only reason Fox doesn’t get more shit (and they still catch a good deal of shit) for fucking up this awesome property is because of how badly they aborted the Fantastic Four.\u00a0 And I’m a larger hater of the FF but I hate Captain America mags too and Marvel Studios can still spin that shit.\u00a0 It’s not that hard.\u00a0 This new X-men is waaaay better than any of their Wolverine films.\u00a0 Which I guess isn’t saying much.\u00a0 I liked it better than First Class<\/em>.\u00a0 Still not saying a whole lot.\u00a0 Since this is a time travel joint, they used it to retcon alot of the Ratner stuff.\u00a0 Which is good.\u00a0 I like Fassbender as Magneto.\u00a0 Too bad they can’t cast someone else as Wolverine…\u00a0 Anyway the movie is pretty good.\u00a0 Wolverine in the future (where mutants have been all but hunted out) is able to time travel (in his own body, it’s very zen) to the 70’s to prevent a murder that kicks off the pogrom.\u00a0 The action is… medium.\u00a0 I enjoyed the film overall.\u00a0 Rumor is that there will be a film where they fight Apocalypse in the 80’s.\u00a0 I’ll see that.<\/p>\n Dawn of the Planet of the Apes<\/strong><\/p>\n This is an Empire Strikes Back<\/em> level sequel.\u00a0 Caeser, Maurice, Koba et al are all back.\u00a0 They’ve established a society that’s, frankly, adorable.\u00a0 The humans have not fared so well.\u00a0 Humans come into contact with the smart apes when they attempt to resurrect a hydro electric facility in the forest.\u00a0 There are peaceful and violent factions in both the human and ape communities and their leaders attempt to navigate the situation.\u00a0 The effects are so subtle you won’t even notice them.\u00a0 Caesar for President. This movie is awesome.\u00a0 See it.<\/p>\n Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles<\/strong><\/p>\n Parts of this movie are good (Splinter fighting, elevator freestyle) but it’s mostly shitty.\u00a0 Shredder is waaaaaay over the top.\u00a0 The brothers are decently done but all the human characters are offensive.\u00a0 The fighting was ok but frankly the 1990 version was better in every single way.\u00a0 A lot better.\u00a0 Not mandatory viewing.<\/p>\n Guardians of the Galaxy<\/strong><\/p>\n Hoo boy!\u00a0 If you didn’t know Chris Pratt from Parks and Rec<\/em>, you fucking know him now.\u00a0 This may be Marvel Studios best film so far.\u00a0 And it continues to be amazing how well (content) Marvel can do with a relatively obscure property while Fox continues to ruin Wolverine.\u00a0 Chris is a normal human (or is he) who was abducted by aliens in the 80’s.\u00a0 He’s something of a space thief now and he double crossed his crew to steal what ends up being an infinity stone.\u00a0 He is arrested, makes common cause with a giant tree, a talking squirrel, a UFC fighter, and a star trek green chick in prison.\u00a0 Hy-jinks ensue.\u00a0 Bradly Cooper brilliantly voices Rocket the squirrel, Vin Diesel is the giant tree (it walks), Dave Batista plays a green version of himself, and Zoe Salenda plays yet another hot alien.\u00a0 The movie is wonderfully framed by a late 70’s soundtrack (all from a cassette Chris’s mom gave him before she died and he was abducted) and besides being irreverently funny and containing good action, is suprisingly sweet.\u00a0 I’m sure this made a billion dollars.\u00a0 Good stuff.\u00a0 Good cameos: Michael Rooker as Yondu, Josh Brolin as Thanos, Seth Green as Howard the Duck.\u00a0 Mandatory viewing.<\/p>\n Big Hero 6<\/strong><\/p>\n Disappointing.\u00a0 I’m just not a fan of Disney Animation.\u00a0 First, in their short, Feast, <\/em>they outline for the record the ways that Pixar is better Disney than Disney.\u00a0 I thought after Wreck it Ralph<\/em> that they’d gotten their shit together.\u00a0 Ralph wasn’t half bad.\u00a0 Frozen<\/em>, frankly, sucked.\u00a0 To clarify, I’m a story guy.\u00a0 I don’t care how good the soundtrack of a movie is if it’s empty bullshit.\u00a0 Yeah yeah they’re kids movies.\u00a0 Bambie was a kids movie.\u00a0 They shot his mom in the face in the opening credits.\u00a0 A movie can be a kids movie and still be awesome.\u00a0 Anyway I was intrigued that Disney was running with an obscure Marvel property here.\u00a0 (the comic is a Tokyo super hero team) I note they did not include the dude who was created in the nuclear fire of Hiroshima.\u00a0 A kid and his robot (originally a healthcare provider repurposed as a hero) are the main characters.\u00a0 And the robot is admitedly charming.\u00a0 But the plot goes nowhere.\u00a0 They didn’t put as much effort into the plot as into the main characters and it shows.\u00a0 There’s about 15 minutes of funny, 20 of cute and the rest is a challenge to remain awake through.\u00a0 Swing and a miss.<\/p>\n Interstellar<\/strong><\/p>\n They’ve been trying to make this movie for 10 years.\u00a0 Spielberg and physicist Kip Thorne started developing it literally 10 years ago.\u00a0 When Dreamworks switched from Paramount to Disney it lost it’s director.\u00a0 Then Jonathan Nolan was brought in to firm up the screenplay around 09.\u00a0 He convinced Paramount to have his brother Chris direct.\u00a0 Which is just awesome.\u00a0 I’ve never seen a Chris Nolan film that wasn’t a little amazing.\u00a0 And…\u00a0 This one is a home run.\u00a0 (The Royals make one world series and all my idioms go baseball) In the future earth is suffering.\u00a0 There is a disease that is slowly destroying our ability to grow food.\u00a0 The last remaining standout is corn (everyone eats corn everything).\u00a0 Matt McConaughy is a former astronaut and engineer (careers not really called for at the moment) who (like everyone else) is subsistence farming corn.\u00a0 His family receives a mysterious message (seemingly from a ghost) that ends up being coordinates.\u00a0 When he investigates this he discovers a secret NASA like operation.\u00a0 They are investigating alternate worlds for man to live on while at the same time trying to discover how to manipulate gravity so as to be able to mass transport earth’s population through space.\u00a0 They had sent out 9 investigators through a recently discovered ‘wormhole’ to 9 different planets.\u00a0 They have received signals from 3 of them.\u00a0 McConaughy is drafted into a mission to find a new world for mankind.\u00a0 Along with several secret missions he of which he is at first unaware.\u00a0 This film is PHENOMENALLY exciting.\u00a0 And sad.\u00a0 And happy.\u00a0 And funny.\u00a0 NASA has a couple intelligent androids that almost steal the show.\u00a0 They seem awkward until they need to move quickly, then you see how what seems like a stiff design is actually rather ingenious.\u00a0 And they’re pretty funny.\u00a0 Kind of the anti HAL.\u00a0 I LOVED this movie.\u00a0 I loved the depressing future earth that teaches kids the moon landings were fake because they need everyone to be farmers, I love the robots, I love the wormhole, I love the hard truths of realitivity.\u00a0 It is an amazing film.\u00a0 It is why we go to the movies.\u00a0 See it.\u00a0 Now.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" The rumors of my death have been slightly exaggerated. I took some time off from writing on here for no good reason and I owe none of you any explanation whatsoever so shut up. ;-[] Anyway, where was I… Robocop … Continue reading