Ok assholes, I\u2019m back.<\/p>\n
I\u2019ve been dormant for the better part of a decade. Once my original platform was removed (I had to graduate eventually) I did not acquire a new one until now. And this time, I won\u2019t have that moron Blake editing my entries.<\/p>\n
If you\u2019ve read my column before, expect much of the same. If you haven\u2019t; don\u2019t concern yourself with the previous paragraph. It\u2019s a little hello to my old readers (all 12 of them) and a light kick to the nuts of an old friend. On this new forum I will offer my opinions on film, television, and possibly some literature (porn and comic books). I\u2019m not one to put spoilers in; my entries will mostly be previews of upcoming and reactions to films. We may get into a little theme, a little production, but I\u2019m not going to do any kind of synopsis or tell you what happens. I\u2019ll usually try and relate the feelings the film evokes or what feelings the film is going for and how successful it is at achieving it. I also may nerd out. But very few spoilers if any.<\/p>\n
I will use harsh language; I will attempt to mock everything I can. No race, creed, nation, state, item of clothing, hairdo, deity, noun or verb is safe. All are mocked with equal glee and at the slightest excuse. So if you happen to be offended by something I write; good for you. You\u2019re a human being.<\/p>\n
All that said, sometimes I employ an arbitrary numerical scoring system. When employed, it will rank a film from 1 to 10. 1 being \u201cwhy did I see this movie, whoever put this on film ought to be shot\u201d and 10 being Seven Samurai<\/em>. If a film is worth seeing it gets a 5. If it\u2019s worth seeing in the theater; it gets a 6. If a film is worthy of some kind of award recognition it gets a 7. If a film transcends its genre or makes an actual artistic achievement; it may get an 8. If a film is In the Name of the Father<\/em>, it may get a 9.<\/p>\n Now, my enjoyment of a particular film may be completely separate from its numerical ranking. For instance, I find Double Impact<\/em> staring Jean-Claude Van Dame as 2 twin brothers highly enjoyable. And not even on an ironic level, I just happen to enjoy bad martial arts movies. Well sometimes. But ranked numerically it gets somewhere around a 3. I\u2019ll also try and note what movies you\u2019d like if you enjoyed the one I\u2019m writing about. Like, if you enjoyed Pirates of the Caribbean 4<\/em>; you might also like Mama Mia<\/em> or Space Jam.<\/em><\/p>\n And all of the above is subject to change with absolutely no notice.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Ok assholes, I\u2019m back. I\u2019ve been dormant for the better part of a decade. Once my original platform was removed (I had to graduate eventually) I did not acquire a new one until now. And this time, I won\u2019t have … Continue reading